Special Parenting Challenge:
Navigating the complexities of parenting a teenager can be one of the most challenging aspects of raising children. As parents, we often find ourselves bewildered by the changes in our once-open and communicative children. Suddenly, our teenagers seem like they’re speaking a different language, and we struggle to connect with them on the same level we used to. So, why is it so hard to understand your teenage child?
The Adolescent Brain: A Work in Progress
First and foremost, it’s crucial to recognize that adolescence is a period of significant brain development. The adolescent brain goes through a lot of changes that affect how teenagers think and behave. These changes include both improvements and reductions in certain parts of the brain, which help to refine how different brain areas work together (Spear, 2013). Teenagers are still developing their ability to control their impulses, especially in emotional situations (Spear, 2013). This means they might sometimes act impulsively or take risks more than adults do. Additionally, teenagers’ brains are more sensitive to rewards, like when something feels exciting or pleasurable. On the other hand, they might not react as strongly to things that are unpleasant or scary. This mix of brain changes during adolescence allows for more flexibility and adaptability compared to adults, which can shape how they respond to their experiences and surroundings (Spear, 2013). These neurological changes can lead to a range of behaviors that seem perplexing to parents: risk-taking, mood swings, and heightened emotional responses.
These changes are linked to the maturation of the prefrontal cortex, which plays a key role in decision-making and emotional regulation (Steinberg, 2005). The development of this region continues into early adulthood, influencing teenagers’ behaviors and interactions.
According to Erikson’s psychosocial developmental theory (Erikson, 1968), adolescence is a stage characterized by the conflict of identity versus role confusion. Teenagers are actively exploring different roles and identities as they strive to establish a sense of who they are and where they fit in society. This exploration can lead to experimentation with different behaviors, beliefs, and values, which may sometimes appear inconsistent, rebellious or confusing to parents.
Communication Breakdown
One of the most common complaints from parents is the breakdown in communication with their teenagers. It’s important to recognize that this communication gap often stems from both sides. Teenagers may feel misunderstood or judged by their parents, which leads them to retreat or hide their true feelings. On the other hand, parents may struggle to adapt their communication style to match their teenager’s evolving needs.
Research highlighted by Allen et al. (2006) underscores the importance of supportive communication and parental warmth in promoting positive parent-adolescent relationships. Effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and an open-minded approach to understanding the teenager’s perspective.
Bridging the Gap: Tips for Parents
Bridging the gap between parents and their teenage children requires proactive steps that prioritize empathy and understanding. First and foremost, active listening is paramount. Parents should strive to listen without interrupting or immediately offering solutions, allowing their teenagers the space to express themselves openly. Validating their emotions, even when disagreeing with their actions, helps foster trust and shows support for their feelings. Respect for their growing independence is crucial; setting boundaries while encouraging autonomy allows teenagers to explore their identities confidently. Negotiating boundaries, when safe and reasonable, can also be beneficial, fostering a sense of mutual respect and responsibility within the family dynamic. Finding common ground through shared interests or activities provides opportunities for meaningful connections and conversations. Lastly, seeking guidance from trained therapists or counselors can offer invaluable strategies tailored to specific family dynamics, aiding in navigating this transformative phase with patience and compassion.
Patience and Understanding
Ultimately, understanding your teenage child requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt. Remember that adolescence is a temporary phase filled with challenges and growth opportunities for both parents and teenagers alike. By fostering open communication, respecting their journey to independence, and offering unwavering support, you can strengthen your relationship with your teenager and navigate this transformative period together.
Author: Linh Nguyen, B Psychology (Hons), MClinPsych
Linh is a General Psychologist at Vision and M1 Psychology. Her educational background includes a Bachelor of Psychological Science (Hons), and she has completed her Postgraduate Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology.
To make an appointment with Linh Nguyen try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call Vision Psychology Brisbane on (07) 3088 5422.
References
Allen, J. P., Insabella, G. M., Porter, M. R., Smith, F. D., Land, D., & Phillips, N. (2006). A social-interactional model of the development of depressive symptoms in adolescence. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(1), 55–65. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.74.1.55
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. New York: Norton.
Steinberg, L. (2005). Cognitive and affective development in adolescence. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 9(2), 69–74. doi:10.1016/j.tics.2004.12.005