Many of us may frequently start to feel lonely. It might just be a passing emotion, or it might last for a few hours or days. Perhaps you have started to feel more and more lonely and might not be sure why. You might also wonder why you have these emotions even amongst family and friends.
Loneliness is a very difficult emotion to process and can often be very hard to understand. Humans are social beings, and we thrive on social connection. Some of us require more social connection than others and some of us are happy to spend some time on our own, but we might find that we are still lonely.
So why is this?
- Perhaps you have recently lost someone. Grief can cause loneliness. After just loosing someone, especially someone we may have been very close to, we can feel lonely and alone. This can also happen if you have recently moved or changed jobs. The environment is new and strange to you and you may feel an initial disconnection, which should get better over time and the more you familiarise yourself with your new context. You may have also lost friends or a beloved pet.
- The elderly often have feelings of loneliness. They have reached a stage in their lives where all their children may have left home and they may have retired or at least cut down significantly on their work obligations thus reducing their social connection. They are also more likely to be less active and thus less likely to engage in social activities.
- You may be struggling with un underlying mental health condition. If your loneliness persists it is advisable to seek professional help. Studies have shown that constant feelings of loneliness can contribute towards a decline in personal care and make us more susceptible to developing a psychiatric and/or health condition.
- A history of childhood abuse and neglect can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Perhaps as a child you never felt heard, or never felt like there was someone to help you or someone to lean on. To prevent further feelings of loneliness it is important to seek help with a professional and process these difficult emotions.
You might find that sometime you feel lonely and then sometimes you actually describe the feeling as alone. Loneliness and feeling alone are two very different concepts. Loneliness has been described as a state of distress when you perceive a lack of social connection.
Feeling alone is a complex emotional state that also involves a perceived lack of social connection but also involves not feeling heard, validated or acknowledged. You can feel alone even in a room full of people or in the presence of strong relationships. A client voiced to me that although she has a very good relationship with her husband, she felt very alone in having to deal with a recent work stressor. She stated that whenever she tried to talk to him about it, he would dismiss it. When confronted with this, he stated that he wasn’t even aware that he was doing it.
She said that she didn’t feel lonely, because she knew that she had that social connection with her husband and her family. Just very alone in dealing with this particular issue. So, what can we do about it? Obviously none of these emotions are comfortable or pleasant.
- Most importantly, acknowledge the feeling and the void it leaves.
Loneliness and feeling alone are really important and valid feelings that need to be acknowledged and validated. It is important to accept these feelings and not dismiss them as otherwise they can come back even stronger. Psychology today found that “While a person can’t die simply from feeling too lonely, findings that?lonely people have higher rates of mortality?and certain diseases supports the idea that, over time, chronic loneliness can play a role in increasing the risk of dying.”
- Voice yourself and how you are feeling.
Talk to someone. A professional psychologist, counsellor or mental health social worker can assist you and help you cope with and process the emotions. Even just talking to someone that you are close to, a friend or family member can help. But don’t keep your feelings to yourself.
- Create more social connections
It can be helpful to volunteer at a local organisation or join a social group. Have a look at your interests and possibly try to find a group around that. This will help you meet other people and encourage social connection. You might even find other people that are experiencing the same difficulties as you.
- Explore your feelings of grief
If your feelings of loneliness are related to a loss, you may possibly need a professional to assist you with this and unpack your feelings of grief.
If you are feeling lonely for any reasons, and need someone to talk to, you can make an appointment with Dr. Pauline Baleta by our Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call Vision Psychology Brisbane on (07) 3088 5422.
References
Hunley, S. (2024)Loneliness makes a bigger impact on your physical and mental health than you might realise. Available Lonely? 4 Steps To Reduce Your Loneliness And Anxiety
Psychology Today, Loneliness, Available https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/loneliness