What does a ‘Child First Approach in Custody Disputes’ look like?
Separation and divorce can be such a difficult time for everyone, including your children. It is hard to know if you are doing the right thing and as parents we are often filled with guilt. Remaining resilience, being supportive and caring will help you and your family get through these difficult times. It is hard to know as a parent how to approach the separation and how to talk to your children about it but it is important to focus on what is best for your child. Also, you do not have to do it alone reach out and get support from friends, family, family law specialists, legal aid (if eligible), relevant community organisations, support groups, help lines, your general practitioner or therapist.
It is important to think about what is best for your child. This is supported by the Family Law Act, 1975 that focuses on the rights of children and the responsibilities that each parent has towards their children, rather than on parental rights. The Act aims to ensure that children can enjoy a meaningful relationship with each of their parents, and are protected from harm (Attorney Generals Department, 2022).
It can be hard to parent, whilst you are so emotionally challenged and there can be so much to do such as moving house, schools, parenting plans, financial challenges to face and so on. However, there are definitely some things to avoid doing in the best interests of your child.
Based on research and experience here are 3 common areas parents get into difficulty when separating:
Stopping access to the child:
Firstly, let me explain that there are exceptions to this though, for example where there is a risk of harm to the child such as in family and domestic violence matters. Where there is no risk of harm, the Court may look unfavourably upon a child not being afforded the opportunity of spending time with the other parent or primary care giver.
Poor Communication between parents:
As you can imagine not communicating with the other party can be very disadvantageous to the child’s health and well-being and development, especially in important areas such as medical treatment and their education. Poor communication will ultimately impact your child and the courts may not look favourably upon this as it will impact the child’s health and development.
Talking badly to or about the other parent:
This is a really common mistake and is looked upon quite unfavourably by Courts. This will have a really negative impact on your child so please don’t do it. Speaking badly either to or about the other parent, in front of your children no matter how small or trivial the comment can be damaging your child’s emotional wellbeing. Remember we are focusing on your child and what is best for them, not how upset you are with the other party. Your children are the innocent party. The Courts are very aware of how damaging this can be to children’s social and emotional development and will look very unfavourably on this behaviour.
Separation is a difficult time and it is very easy to be consumed by all the emotions and difficulties that parents face. Whilst it can be challenging to remain focused on your child, and what is best for them, it is important to try to be honest with yourself and reflect upon what is truly in the best interests of the child.
The Family Relationships Advice Line is a national telephone service that helps families affected by relationship or separation issues, including information on parenting arrangements after separation. It can also refer callers to local services that provide assistance. They can be contacted on 1800 050 321 and are open Monday to Friday 8 am to 8 pm and Saturdays 10am to 4pm. https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/talk-someone/advice-line
Author: Maree Stevens, BAdVocEd; GCert Sp Ed; M SocWk; M HumServ; GDipCouns; GCert MentalHlthPrac. 
Maree Stevens is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker with several years’ experience working with children, young people and families impacted by separation, divorce and custody issues.
Maree is currently not taking bookings. Our team can assist you with placing you with another clinician. Please call Vision Psychology on (07) 3088 5422.
References
Attorney Generals Department Children and Family Law. Retrieved from
https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/families/children-and-family-law
Family Relationships Advice Line. Retrieved from ?https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/talk-someone/advice-line
Family Law Act, 1975